Overcoming your first hurdle.
A common issue amongst the high-flying women I work with is that they feel that by focussing on their career they have not had the time to devote to finding a partner or soulmate. And now find that they are ready but don’t know how to overcome the hurdles that now stand in their way.
Considering the feedback to my last article about high-flying women and dating, I have decided to share my findings about finding a soulmate or partner.
In part one I am going to share about the key obstacle – fear.
Even women who are powerful leaders can still experience fear when it comes to intimate relationships.
My approach to successfully managing my own fearsI owe to a book written by Susan Jeffers. I didn’t need to read the book as the title alone inspired me to move forward. “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. It’s now one of my toolkit of powerful mantras.
I don’t believe that I have ever met anyone ever who has not suffered fear. Ever. Do these people hide away from life? I am sad to say some do, but I believe that it is only because they have never had access to the help that they need.
I could give you all of the justification in the world, like “life is too short” which it is! “if you think you can’t you can’t. If you think you can, you can.” Again it’s true. Sometimes these work for people and if they do for you, great.
Fear is it’s most powerful when you believe that you are different, that you are unique, that you are the ONLY person that suffers from this particular fear. It’s debilitating. It locks you down. it imprisons you.
Let me give you the key to your prison. The only way to break out is to voice your fear and discover that you honestly aren’t alone. If we all talked about our fears and our emotions I am convinced that the world would be a better place. Oops, nearly got on my soapbox again!
But seriously, if you knew that someone else shared your fear wouldn’t it make your fear seem less insurmountable?
Trust me, the feedback I have received tells me without a doubt that you are not the only high-flyer to have fears about dating.
So what are these fears?
Let me give you some real examples:
- Being hurt
- Being conned
- I’m too old
- I’m too fat
- I’m too ugly
- I’m too shy
- Don’t know how to do relationships
- It’s been too long
- Unfamiliar with the “rules of dating”
- I’ve too much baggage
- There’s no-one out there for me
- As a strong, powerful women I will be feared
- Long distance relationships don’t work
- I’m too set in my ways
- Loss of control
- Loss of independence
- Fear of being unable to meet my intellectual equal
- Meeting someone with children
There are many reasons.
So what do you do?
You have decided you would like a partner, or a soulmate but one or many of these fears stop you.
Don’t let them.
Obviously I could write a book about how high-flying women can overcome the fear of dating, but I wanted to share something today, so this is it in it’s simplest form.
Step 1 – Know you have your fear and accept it. It’s OK to have your fear, what’s not OK is if you let it prevent you living your life.
Step 2 – Identify what you want from a soulmate. No I’m not suggesting you go around with a shopping list, but it does help you understand where best to search.
Step 3 – Go looking.
Step 4 – Go on a date.
OK perhaps not that simple for everyone reading this.
Let’s examine our list of fears.
Rejection – Everyone has been rejected at least once in life. It’s not always personal. So don’t take it personally. Also the past is gone. You will have changed. Take each new episode in life as it comes. Live in today.
Being hurt – Anyone who doesn’t get hurt in life hasn’t lived. Make sure you have a good support network of healthy individuals who believe that you have a right to date, not the toxic people who think you don’t. When you hurt, let them support you. When you are unsure about something use your support network as a sounding board to test out your way forward – note I said “your”!
Being conned – the problem with technology these days is that it is easy to discover things about you, your status, your job, and some people will try to take advantage of that. Whatever your status, if someone you have only just met asks you for money, usually because they are in trouble, just ask yourself if I wanted a relationship with someone and I’ve only just met them would I even consider asking them for money? Hopefully you answer is “Hell No”.
Now the “I’m too’s”:-
First – who says? We are all different. Let’s take ‘I’m too fat’ as an example. You could work on either losing weight or changing your belief, and you could also choose not to. However, look around you. Is every fat person in the world without a partner? No.
As for the rest of your fears either accept them, get educated about relationships, or change. Because YOU can.
I appreciate that this process may seem simplistic, that’s because it is. About 99% of you will be able to overcome your fear by applying this process.
For those of you who feel you can’t, contact me and I’ll empower you to.
Go feel your fear then do it anyway.
But before you begin I’ll tell you how to overcome your next barrier in part 2.
Guys. Let you into a secret! Many of my high-flying male clients suffer these fears too.
As a personal identity coach, I facilitate my clients discovery of their true self, what they want from life and/or career, how to get it, and get it. I work with clients in person or through video worldwide.
Feel free to interview me or contact me for a free phone/online consultation at [email protected] I look forward to meeting you!